Does anyone else ever feel like they are on roller coaster that they cannot get off? I feel like that has been life for a while. I feel like anyone that has known me for any amount if time possibly wonders if I’m ever going to actually get off the roller coaster and move forward in life. Like if ALL the shit I’m always spouting off about and the things I say I want to do/ achieve/ accomplish are ever going to actually happen or if I’m just completely blowing smoke up their ass. Realistically I doubt anyone actually thinks those things of ME specifically since as a species we’re 90% self involved, so we mostly don’t actually care what other people are up to, and even if other people did think these things of me then its really not any of my business anyway SO. Now that I’ve word-vomited all that, lets get down to the real stuff, shall we?
I just re-read my initial post of what I want Actively Living Awesome to be. I’ve actually written that particular post about 100 times, but that iteration is in my opinion the best one. I’ve stalled out in building an online community for a host of reasons, including but not limited to- not knowing how to differentiate myself, LOATHING all things social media, having a really big picture idea but not narrowing it down, wanting to do too many things at once, and sucking at all things time management so everything I start I don’t finish. Man, that list is longer then I thought it would be. Truth? Maybe not.
I decided to make an investment in myself back in August, and THIS TIME I’m going to actually do something with it. Like, really. I purchased the Certified Pre/Post Natal Coaching certification through Girls Gone Strong and am finally deep into reading, processing, and eventually applying the information. But already, it’s not enough. Already I know, without a shadow of a doubt that this is the lane I am meant to travel in for the foreseeable future. This is where I WANT to live, and so it is where I know I will thrive as I push on. I’m not blind or ignorant to the fact that there will be challenges, set backs, and “God Damn Its” along the way, but it is so refreshing to not be feeling wishy-washy about something I want.
I have to stop being afraid of what others are going to say and think about the work that I want to do and how I want to choose to show up in the world. I’m not for everyone (Lord knows I never have been) and quite frankly I’ve spent so much time trying to garner approval from people that don’t even fucking matter that in the process I have been in a tailspin for almost 5 years. Fuck, no wonder I’m dizzy.
I am going to tell my story, the way I have lived it, and in doing so I’m going to offer ways to help other women, especially the mamas not have to experience things the way I have and hopefully allow them the strength and encouragement to see past the bullshit in their way to achieve their most Awesome version of life. I’m not always going to be politically correct, I’m going to have opinions that are different from what’s popular and what’s mainstream and I’m not going to filter them. I’m going to swear and not apologize for it, and I’m going to own up to my end of this place in this world regardless of how that is perceived by anyone else. I’m tired, I’m dizzy, I’m sore, and I vow to myself to show up for anyone else out there that feels this way too sometimes. We are all in this together, and somewhere along the way it feels like that has been forgotten. It’s “us against them” and then we wonder why we’re still sitting on that proverbial roller coaster, clicking up that hill for the 87 millionth time just wishing we could get off and do something else.
My car has pulled into where people get on and off, I’m getting off and I’m exploring the rest of this amusement park. Hopefully I’ll see you all around. Later!